I'm Oscar...Dot Com!

P. S. Just in case you're wondering, live blogging for four straight hours is exhausting.

12:16 AM EST
Oh well. Someday small budget independent films will get their due. Ellen DeGeneres makes her first good hosting choice by shutting the heck up and just ending the ceremony quickly. Night all.

12:15 AM EST
Now that Scorsese has his statue, pleeeeeeaaase let Little Miss Sunshine win Best Picture.

12:09 AM EST
"Better to give than to receive?" Hmmmmmm. I'm not sure what that exchange says about the relations ship between George Lucas and Spielberg and Coppola. Best Director isn't a surprise, but it's good that Martin Scorsese finally won something.

12:05 AM EST
Good for Forrest Whitaker, but too bad for Peter O'Toole (who looked like he might give up the ghost right then and there when the announced the winner). I mean, the man was Lawrence of frickin' Arabia after all. Forrest Whitacker's story is an inspiring one of overcoming obstacles. That's right in America it is possible for someone to star in a short-lived UPN original series and still go on to win an Oscar.

11:41 PM EST
All right! The artistic vision which drives a film. Finally best director....no, no, wait. Best Film Editing. Going to get a snack...

11:29 PM EST
And the night sinks to a new low as Ellen uses a joke (which wasn't funny the first time) again. Actually, since she previously did a joke-recycling joke, this is like a double plus unfunny redundancy. Also, John Travolta takes a small lead in the evenings lackluster race for "Most ridiculous performance by a Scientologist." Seriously, these guys are letting me down.

11:18 PM EST
I can see there is a reason why this guy got stuck doing the commentary backstage. Props to Tom Hanks for subtle smackdown.

11:16 PM EST
YES! Little Miss Sunshine for best original screen play. There is hope for mankind.

11:01 PM EST
I say no speaking in tongues. Oh wait, he's speaking Italian. nm.

10:55 PM EST
Nooooooooooooooooooooooo! Please God no! Not Celine Dion! I just got that awful Titanic song after years of counseling. Bring back Milissa Ethridge or Randy Newman. Well, maybe not.

10:50 PM EST
Damn it. Since when is it the point of the Academy Awards to "alert people to an grave threat?" For that matter, what about "Jesus Camp?" I think people need to be warned about Pentecostals way more urgently than they need to be warned about global warming.

Just kidding my Pentecostal/Charismatic friends. All in good fun. Please don't speak in tongues at me or wash my feet or anything.

10:45 PM EST
Oh good, I always love to see Jerry Seinfeld...presenting best documentary for some reason. I hope "Jesus Camp" wins if for no other reason than that "An Inconvenient Truth" doesn't. *snigger* "Three goobers that have been soda welded there since 'The Shawshank Redemption'".

10:42 PM EST
Oh my! Somebody do something. I think a black widow spider has lain its eggs all over the shoulder of that poor woman's dress. You really need to check those things when you take them out of storage. Quick, send Ellen to get some Raid or something before one of them hatches and bits Gael Garcia Bernal!

10:38 PM EST
I think Jennifer Hudson just implied that God hates Abigail Breslin. That's what I heard at least. Climatological note in honor of Al Gore: this time they didn't let George Clooney talk long enough to threaten the safety of South Park. *sigh of relief*

10:30 PM EST
Hehe, okay, I changed my mind. Eating Ellen DeGeneres and forming Snakes on a Plane. I forgive the bizarre shadow people...for now.

10:25 PM EST
I guess if Penelope Cuiz' movie gets best feer'in language fillm it might make up for Ellen misstating what kind of Mexican she is. Oh wait, that wasn't a nominee, just part of a montage illustrating...um...examples of films in foreign languages I guess, in case there was confusion of what that term meant. Nevertheless, my "what kind of Mexican" joke stands, and I dedicate it to Mike Benevidez, my favorite Mexican.

10:10 PM EST
Whaa? Sorry, I just woke up from my humanitarian award nap to find that Ellen has traded her Ladies Man suit for a tampon costume and is accosting Clint Eastwood for some reason. Grudgingly, I must say that her introduction for Gwyneth Paltrow was actually kinda funny.

9:55 PM EST
Borat did not win best adapted screenplay. NOT great success. I blame the Jews and whatever gypsy magic is going on behind that back lit screen.

9:52 PM EST
Addendum to below: an alcoholism joke while presenting an award for writters. Also fitting.

9:48 PM EST
To honor our industry's screenwriters, the true geniuses behind the actors we see on screen, the unsung heroes who don't get a fraction of the attention they deserve, we present...more actors. Oh well, I guess actors pretending to be writers is better than writers pretending to be actors. And presented by Ben Affleck, how fitting.

9:44 PM EST
Ha ha! Get it? Ellen is making a joke by pretending to be unfunny. I think. Right? I can't tell...

9:40 PM EST
We do I suddenly feel the urge to empty three cans of hair spray into the air? Wait...Wait..Wait for it...Ooooooo! Al Gore BALEETED! No really, I'm super super cereal.

9:25 PM EST
It's good to see how much fun Abigail Breslin seems to genuinely be having. Maybe her childstardom won't suck our her soul and she'll have a chance at a normal life. One can hope.

9:20 PM EST
Can somewhere tell me what's going on? Rachel Weiss' necklace is blinding me.

9:15 PM EST
Michael the boss, meet Simon the fag.

9:12 PM EST
This sound effects choir is like a life-sized statue of Danny Divito made entirely of Laffy Taffy: cool but, why?

8:55 PM EST
L.O.L. Hearing Jack Black threatening to elbow Leonardo DiCaprio in the larynx made my evening. This musical number must be the Academy's apology for letting Ellen DeGeneres host (it's not because she's gay, it's because she's not funny).

8:49 PM EST
Interesting. Pirates of the Caribbean didn't win best art direction. That's the designated "too plebeian but everybody went to see them and they ungodly amounts of money" award. Oh well, maybe there's a chance with Best Costume Design or some such.

8:43 PM EST
Dear God! Another "Al Gore was really elected in 2000" joke. It was six years ago. Get over it!

8:40 PM EST
Ellen DeGeneres proves early on that she's still not funny. Also, maroon crushed velvet pantsuit, open collar, gold chain, why did she come dressed as Tim Meadows in "The Ladies Man"?

8:34 PM EST
While this...whatever it is plays I will use the time to give, not my predictions, but my preferences for the top categories.

Best Picture: Little Miss Sunshine
Best Director: Martin Scorsese
Best Actor: Peter O'Toole (didn't see the movie, but come on, the man was robbed with Lawrence of Arabia)*
Best Actress: Judi Dench or Helen Mirren, anyone old and British
Best Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin
Best Supporting Actress: Abigail Breslin
Best Original Screenplay: Little Miss Sunshine
Best Adapted Screenplay: Borat, of course

*After doing a little research I discovered that in 1963 he lost out to Gregory Peck's portayal of Atticus Finch in To Kill a Mockingbird. So he wasn't robbed, but he still desearves a Best Actor for Lawrence of Arabia. The Academy should have made an exception and given them both Best Actor or something.

8:27 PM EST
Sorry, my mom called. Give me a second to catch up.

8:18 PM EST
OMG! Who is this guy doing interviews? He sounds like Tony Sinclair's portly uncle.

8:13 PM EST
Oh dear God! Is that the Magnetic Fields in a commercial? Civilization is circling the drain.

8:11 PM EST
Ah, the red carpet. This should be good since Ellen DeGeneres is hosting. She knows a thing or two about carpet. Zing! Seriously, jokes about Ellen's lifestyle are cheap and tasteless and totally undeserving of a sophisticated commentary. That is why I'll be doing a lot of it.

In a desperate ploy to generate content for my embryonic (fledgling is overused) blog, I will attempt to live blog the Oscars! I haven't live blogged anything since I did Cheney's internal monologue for the crowd in Red Hill during the 2004 vice presidential debates, so here it goes. Or, since this is in the reverse chronological blog format, there it went.

Billy Shakespeare wrote whole bunch of sonnets

It's surprising how you can listen to a song without actually listening to the lyrics. I was recently playing through the 90's throwback songs on my iTunes and LFO's "Summer Girls" came on. You know, the catchy, poppy "I like the girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch" song. The chorus is fairly unremarkable and the tune is easy to listen to and hum along with, but when I heard the line above it caught my ear and caused me to replay the song and actually pay attention to the lyrics of the verses. It is without a doubt the singularly dumbest song I have ever heard. Seriously. It makes "MacArthur Park" sound like "Legionnaire's Lament". Which is sad because I like "Life is Good," their other well-known song, which, while mostly lyrically unremarkable and possessing of simplistic chorus, contains the great line "...pretty much this situation, except I'd be Steven McQueen." This song, however, contains a banal storyline about lost love shuffled with "what rhymes with..." lines of Family Guy-style no context cultural references. The lyrics below, for your enjoyment:

Yeah...I like it when the girls stop by.. In the summer

Do you remember, Do you remember?

...when we met..That summer??

[Chorus:]

New Kids On The block,had a bunch of hits

Chinese food makes me sick.

And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer

I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch,

I'd take her if I had one wish,

But she's been gone since that summer..Since that summer

[Verse 1:]

Hip Hop Marmalade spic And span,

Met you one summer and it all began

You're the best girl that I ever did see,

The great Larry Bird Jersey 33

When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet

Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets

Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby

Something in your eyes went and drove me crazy

Now I can't forget you and it makes me mad,

Left one day and never came back

Stayed all summer then went back home,

Macauly Culkin wasn't Home Alone

Fell deep in love,but now we ain't speaking

Michael J Fox was Alex P Keaton

When I met you I said my name was Rich

You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

[Repeat Chorus]

[Verse 2:]

Cherry Pez,cold crush,rock star boogie

Used to hate school so I had to play hookie,

Always been hip to the B-boY Style

Known to act wild and make girls smile,

Love New Edition and the Candy Girl

Remind me of you because you rock my world

You come from Georgia where the peaches grow

They drink lemonade and speak real slow

You love hip hop and rock n roll

Dad took off when you were 4 years old

There was a good man named Paul Revere

I feel much better baby when you're near

You love fun dip and cherry Coke,

I like the way you laugh when I tell a joke

When I met you I said my name was Rich

You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

[Repeat Chorus]

[Bridge:]

In the summertime girls got it going on,

Shake and wiggle to a hip hop song

Summertime girls are the kind I like,

I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike

[Verse 3:]

Bugaloo shrimp and pogo sticks

My mind takes me back there oh so quick

Let you off the hook like my man Mr. Limpet

Think about that summer and I bug, cause I miss it

Like the color purple,macaroni and cheese,

Ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees

Call you up but whats the use

I like Kevin Bacon,but I hate Footloose

Came in the door I said it before, I think I'm over you

but I'm really not sure

When I met you I said my name was Rich

You look like a girl from Abercrombie and Fitch

[Repeat Chorus]

[Repeat Bridge]

[Repeat Chorus]

Behold! A blog.

It has brought to my attention that I haven't posted on my old blog since August 2005 (Thanks to Amy for that). I am regaining my old desire to write things and to have other people read them (or at least to be able to convince myself that other people read them), but a lapse of that length of time is difficult to resurrect a blog from. Thus I have decided to start afresh and create a new blog. Hopefully I can be more diligent about posting on this one than on my previous attempt. So please, give me a chance and check back often.
This blog doesn't as of yet have any particular topic other than "things what catch my interest at the moment" and I'm not quite sure what the tone will be. I'm also not married to the name, this is just the one which suggested itself at the time, so please offer any ideas.
Below by way of a first post is a brief passage which began as a strain of thought in my head (you can count on many things beginning this way), became a Google Talk away message that exceeded the maximum amount of characters allowed (I was not previously aware there was such a limit), was transferred to an entry on facebook stuck in "Favorite Quotes" for lack of a better place, was quickly doubled in length by a series of successive edits, and will likely be further expanded to an essay to mark the first anniversary of the beginning of the SaveRoot! Campaign on February 27th that will probably be posted here. Lines quoted in the passage prompted both the current name and tag line of this blog.
For those unfamiliar with my writing style, it tends to feature wry, ironic, and sarcastic humor, be prone to both humorous and non-humorous rants (in terms phrasing, emotion, intensity, and word choice, hopefully not quality of grammar and logic), contain a large amount of historical, literary, philosophical, and pop culture quotations and references, reflect the fact that though I have been educated in the liberal arts, am interested in intellectual pursuits, associate with many smart people who use big words, and am fairly well-read, I am also a journalist by training and thus have an attraction to the common, the blunt and the sensational, be written in a conversation which maintains a "loose" relationship with proper grammar that, while maybe not incorrect is at least unconventional, and contain a lot of parenthetical (you should have figured this out by now) statements. I also sometimes use very long sentences. Short ones too.
Anyway, I'll try to do all I can to keep this blog fresh and frequently updated and to make it useful, thoughtful, entertaining, and worth the time it takes you to read it. Please visit, comment, link, tell your friends, and so forth.

I present: a blog by Tim Hoskins.

Thoughts approaching the first anniversary of SaveRoot!

When I think about it, I guess it’s strange that I’ve been left a bitter old man at the age of twenty-two. Most weary, well-worn soldiers settled into contemplate their scars are secure in the knowledge that the "Good Old Days" lasted longer than the time left to reminisce about them. This is not how things were supposed to be. Ah well. I suppose if all one has left is to tell the story one ought to tell it as often and as well as possible. So visit www.saveroot.com, it’s still there, and always will be as long as I have a say in it. I don’t care if you’ve read every word on it, go there and read it again. In the words of the film I just watched ("Amazing Grace"): "By natural justice we ought to have won."
Here is another quote from a different sort of film (and, by the by, an example of how a man of discernment may find truth and profundity in any setting). From the character Geoffrey Chaucer in "A Knight's Tale": "I will eviscerate you in fiction. Every pimple, every character flaw. I was naked for a day; you will be naked for eternity." More succinctly put, never ---- with a writer. They say that history is written by the victor, but in our Age of Information it would probably be better put "history is written by those who bother to write history down" (being truthful, accurate, insightful, well written, and entertaining helps as well).
This is a good thought for those of my persuasion in this issue, but another one is "the best revenge is a life well lived." We must be careful to imitate the sentiment of this quote from Moby Dick "He piled upon the whale's white hump the sum of all the general rage and hate felt by his whole race from Adam down; and then, as if his chest had been a mortar, he burst his hot heart's shell upon it." Our continuing pursuit of justice ought not become an Ahabic quest for revenge, for that will consume us as well in the end.
Don't follow the course of the kamikaze but rather remember that your greatest act of defiance is continued survival. On the ashes of many great things have been lain the foundations of many greater things. Recall the words etched on the pedestal of the statue at the entrance of the National Archives: "What is past is prologue..."